You know the scene in My Cousin Vinny when they are on the porch of the cabin … Lisa is going through the speech about her biological clock and Vinny goes through a long list of things that are piling up stressing him out and asks, “What more could we possibly pile up on the outcome of this case?” … that is how I am feeling …

Today is 99 days till I get married … the list of stuff I have to do is getting longer rather than shorter … some of the things I can’t do until orders come in … some of the things I am still trying to figure out how to do them … we have no honeymoon planned and it turned out some of the mileage we were going to use to pay for things we aren’t getting … so it is just so much on top of so much on top of so much …

and to make things even worse … it is this time last year that we had the BATS … and I am nervous wreck at home … every time Kramer freaks I freak … when I hear wings flap [hopfully they are from birds] I jump up and run … bats bats bats … I can’t deal with them again this year …

I think the point I am trying to make is that I am just too fucking stressed out right now … I am dieting and working out like a fucking maniac and I am getting very little support from the people around me and it is hard … I am down 35 pounds but I don’t believe I have even lost one pants size cause everything still fits just fine …

and all the people around me are complaining about all sorts of shit but no one is having time to listen to me … and I need that so badly … I am sick of listening to everyone else …

my birthday was on Sunday and it came and went without incidence … I realize we were all dealing with a bit too much death last week but I fucking live for my birthday … and it was just a nothing day at all …

ok my pity party is over … I gotta go figure out why my arm is hurting me so badly … and it feels like it is asleep … hummmmmmmm